Do you ever get stuck?
I have a strange feeling inside, like my soul is stuck in heavy mud, or my feet are sinking into, not so quick, quicksand. I feel like I need to vent... but I have no idea what I'm actually feeling.
I have a notion to go to the lake, but I know that place brings out strange feelings and thoughts, ones that must have been hidden for so long that I'd forgotten they existed, but then burst suddenly into the light, taking all my knowledge of myself with them and flying away.
Maybe I'll just go for a bike ride. That helps to clear my head... but I'm worried that by trying to clear this feeling I'll just push it further down inside until one day, it breaks free in some beautifully isolated place and I will have to face myself, which is always scary.
Maybe I'm just bored. Maybe I'm thinking too much, or thinking too little. Maybe I'm indulging my self destructive side too much by being so lazy these days. Maybe I just need to get up and get out. Maybe spending time in Lyon would not be such a bad idea... I'm always running away.
At times like this I don't know what to do with myself. Is it hormonal? I hope so. At least then I know it will pass. I guess the real question is which chemicals are causing this feeling? And is it only temporary? I don't think I can face the darkening of my days just yet... not when the nights are so light and it's so hard to sleep.